We had one episode on failing as a father. But what about deep failure? This is a heavy conversation.
The last verses of the Old Testament, Malachi 4:5-6 says,
“Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the great and awesome day of the Lord comes. And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction.”
Join us as we take a deep dive into this verse, and speak to a man with extensive experience in helping families who have experienced profound hurt find healing and, where possible, restoration.
Willie was the Assistant Director for ‘Family and Child Care’, and then took early retirement to set up Family Spectrum in 2004.
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We’re taking suggestions for season 3, a ‘How to’ series. – What topics do you think we need to cover to help us fathers disciple our children well? Send me an email – andy@legacyfathers.org
Andy Lamberton is the director of Legacy. He goes to the same church his parents, grandparents, great and great great-grandparents went to. Married to Debbie, they are raising their four children in Donegal with ice-pops for dessert most days. Author of Letters for Exiles: Faithful Living in a Faithless World.
Stephen Mullan directs the work of Dreamscheme Northern Ireland, a youth work charity that provides support and opportunities to young people growing up in housing estates. He also writes on the subject of youth via his newsletter Rethinking Youth. Stephen is married to Sharon and has two young children.
“We want to be fathers who disciple our children. And we want to see our churches bulging with thriving families.” Join Andy and Stephen as they introduce themselves, and Legacy
Have you ever wondered who Andy and Stephen are? What is their story? Meet the hosts of the Legacy podcast.
0:00 – 16:20 – Meet Stephen 16:20 – 28:05 – Meet Andy 28:05 – 36:44 – Legacy’s Story
Between Series 2 and Series 3, we’ve got three solo episodes.
Meet Andy and Stephen
The impact of a father – Alf Thompson’s story
“And he will turn the hearts of fathers” with Willie Paterson
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We’re taking suggestions for season 3, a ‘How to’ series. – What topics do you think we need to cover to help us fathers disciple our children well? Send me an email – andy@legacyfathers.org
Andy Lamberton is the director of Legacy. He goes to the same church his parents, grandparents, great and great great-grandparents went to. Married to Debbie, they are raising their four children in Donegal with ice-pops for dessert most days. Author of Letters for Exiles: Faithful Living in a Faithless World.
Stephen Mullan directs the work of Dreamscheme Northern Ireland, a youth work charity that provides support and opportunities to young people growing up in housing estates. He also writes on the subject of youth via his newsletter Rethinking Youth. Stephen is married to Sharon and has two young children.
“To have a father who delights in knowing and loving them is one of the greatest blessings any girl can have.” In the third and final ‘square-table’ conversation, Andy and Stephen are joined by Jonny McKane and Evan Reid, to talk about raising daughters today.
Join us on the Legacy Podcast as we are joined by Jonny McKane and Evan Reid. Two normal fathers who love their daughters well. I was ministered to by these men as we recorded. Listening back, the coals of my heart are stoked afresh. Stephen and I were both taken by their wisdom. We hope you enjoy it.
It’s the third and final round table of Season Two:
Hopes and fears as your daughter grows from girl to woman
How a father-daughter relationship changes over time
Journeying with the emotions of your daughter
Not being scared to speak
Cherishing her now while preparing her for the future
Reflection from Stephen Mullan
We can sometimes fight against the reality that our daughters will one day become women and will leave home. As Andy says near the end of this episode: “I don’t want my daughter to change!”
Who relates? I know I want my one and half year old daughter to forever stay small, cute and slightly squidgy!
At the heart of this feeling is a mix of love and joy. Yet, what I learned in this conversation was that the loving, joyful relationship between a father and his daughter is foundational and formative in her journey to womanhood.
Of course, there is much we need to think about as we raise our girls (and we cover a lot in this episode), but never underestimate the place of joy.
To have a father who delights in knowing and loving them is one of the greatest blessings any girl can have.
Two Songs for fathers with daughters
Be kind to yourself – by Andrew Peterson A song from a father to a teenage daughter. I challenge any father to watch this video and have dry eyes at the end. V2 ”I know it’s hard to hear it when the anger in your spirit is pointed like an arrow to your chest. When the voices in your mind are anything but kind, and you can’t believe your father knows best. I love you just the way that you are, I love the way He made your precious heart. Be kind to yourself”
Banks – By NEEDTOBREATHE A song about caring without controlling. Chorus: ”I want to hold you close, but never hold you back. Like the banks of a river”
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We’re taking suggestions for season 3 – What topics do you think we need to cover to help us fathers disciple our children well? send me an email – andy@legacyfathers.org
Andy Lamberton is the director of Legacy. He goes to the same church his parents, grandparents, great and great great-grandparents went to. Married to Debbie, they are raising their four children in Donegal with ice-pops for dessert most days. Author of Letters for Exiles: Faithful Living in a Faithless World.
Stephen Mullan directs the work of Dreamscheme Northern Ireland, a youth work charity that provides support and opportunities to young people growing up in housing estates. He also writes on the subject of youth via his newsletter Rethinking Youth. Stephen is married to Sharon and has two young children.
We need to apologise for the audio quality of this episode. The mic settings were off, and we were in the wrong type of room. Forgive us – we’re still learning how to do this! This is no reflection on the content, Sam has nuggets of gold!
In this episode, we’re talking with Sam Balmer from Bible Education Services (PBS) about having fun as a family and teaching our children the Bible. In his reflection article, Stephen thinks more about the first of these things: playing with your children.
There’s a phrase that Sam uses in the middle of this conversation that neatly ties together the big theme: ‘you need to do two things with your family: we need to play with them and we need to pray with them.’
Fun matters in faith formation.
As dads, we can feel the weight of the world on our shoulders. We can fear where society is heading and what kind of world our children will have to navigate. And sometimes we bear the strain of too much work on too little sleep. One consequence of all this is that we can lose our joy. Another consequence, from our children’s perspective, is that the spirit of fun disappears from our home.
What a shame.
Of all places, the Christian home ought to be full of joy. As Sam says in the episode, “God is no kill-joy. He has given mankind every good thing to enjoy (1 Timothy 6:17) and appointed times for laughter and dancing (Ecclesiastes 3:4).”
When my son was born, a friend said this: ‘When I hear a baby laugh, I remember that we’re made for joy.’ I love that. Laughter, dancing, fun and games – these are all good gifts from God that we can enjoy with a full heart.
Play to the glory of God.
I love to view the Christian home as a little outpost of God’s kingdom – somewhere our children get to experience life lived in God’s way. God’s righteousness, peace and joy should be literally felt in our homes. Even play is elevated by faith. When our children see us happy to play with them and to give of our time without a grudge, and without sideglancing at our phones, they learn something about the good God we worship.
As Christian fathers, we can also show our children how to laugh and play to the glory of God. Certain things will not be welcome in our homes. But with every ‘no’, there should be a ‘yes’ to something better. We can show our children the goodness and richness of true friendship, clean fun and simple play.
To apply a quote from our episode: our kids should learn first-hand through their life at home that ‘you never miss out when you choose to follow Jesus.’
If we don’t play with our children, they will look for fun elsewhere. And we all know where that will lead. There is plenty on offer in this old world of ours – a corrupted kind of fun that neither honours God nor benefits our children.
Therefore, as we raise our children – teaching them about God, praying for their souls, preparing them for the world – let’s not forget the opportunity and gift of play.
How play benefits our children
When children play, they learn. It’s been amazing to watch how play has been a perfect learning environment for my three-year-old son to develop his language, learn basic maths and solve problems. There is a lot of research out there that advocates all kinds of play:
Some examples spring to mind:
Open play – consider the virtues of Lego in this 2010 study.
Unsupervised play – e.g. this 2023 article by Jonathan Haidt
Outdoor play – both body and mind benefit from an adventure in the woods (see this article)
Another kind of play needs to be prioritised: let’s call it father play. Dads, we need to play with our children for at least two reasons. First, it is one of the clearest ways to show our children we genuinely love them. Second, it is one of the best ways to build a bond with our sons and daughters.
The more we play with our children, the more trust and affection is built – and that is the foundation for everything else. Playfulness leads to openness. When our children see us wholeheartedly share in their laughter and dances, they will more readily trust us with their tears and concerns.
By Stephen Mullan Cohost of the Legacy Podcast.
Bio: Stephen directs the work of Dreamscheme Northern Ireland, a youth work charity that provides support and opportunities to young people growing up in housing estates. He also writes on the subject of youth via his newsletter Rethinking Youth. Stephen is married to Sharon and has two young children.
– Did you enjoy the podcast? Please share with other fathers you know and tell us what you think. Email: hello@legacyfathers.org
“We can’t prepare our kids for every eventuality. So much about fatherhood is unexpected. There will be challenges our children encounter that we simply can’t forecast. But then again, the job is to be a good parent, not a good prophet.”
Join co-hosts Andy Lamberton and Stephen Mullan as they chat with David Smyth and Dawn McAvoy from Evangelical Alliance and Both Lives Matter.
Fathers and the Unexpected – Article by Stephen Mullan.
We’re back with another episode from the Legacy Podcast. I found this to be another really helpful conversation that gets into all sorts of important topics. Thanks to David Smyth and Dawn McIvoy from Evangelical Alliance for being great contributors.
On the back of the conversation, I’ve been thinking that we can’t prepare our kids for every eventuality. So much about fatherhood is unexpected. There will be challenges our children encounter that we simply can’t forecast. But then again, the job is to be a good parent, not a good prophet.
Stories prepare our children for the unexpected
One way we can give our children the resources they need for the unknowable future is through telling stories.
In the podcast, David points to storytelling as a way to prepare our kids for whatever lies ahead. I’ve thought about this before, but only in terms of reading good books to my own children. I’m excited to pass on the old tales and fables, as well as the modern classics like Narnia and Lord of the Rings. What I hadn’t thought about before was the value of my own stories or the tales from my family. I appreciate David’s encouragement to tell more of these to my children.
Stories help prepare children for the unknown.
When we tell good stories:
We introduce our children to role models and heroes to imitate.
We fill their imagination with visions of a good life.
We teach them to take a long view – it takes a journey and many obstacles to reach our goals and to become who we’re made to be.
We connect their individual life to something larger than themselves.
We inspire them to stand for good and to fight against evil.
Crucially, stories shape our children’s sense of identity and purpose – two realities that will hold them as they navigate the future.
Where do we start all of this?
First, let’s embrace our job as storytellers. Let’s find good stories and tell them often. That might mean asking for recommendations and spending some money. But while I will definitely be buying more books, my major take-away from our conversation with David is that my children need to hear more stories from my own life and my parents’ and grandparents’ lives.
When the unexpected happens, say something certain
As time passes by, our children will inevitably experience the unexpected.
In the second part of our podcast conversation, Dawn talked in depth about one significant example – unplanned pregnancy. But there are many other examples. The point that struck me, however, was the power of a father to give his children hope through how he responds to the unexpected.
In Dawn’s own case, the response of her dad gave her the support she needed during an unplanned pregnancy. The certainty that her dad was going to be part of her circle of support made all the difference and encouraged her to move forward as a young mum.
Sadly, when men don’t give this kind of support to their partner or daughter, the likelihood of abortion skyrockets. As Dawn puts it: “among women who terminate their pregnancy, 82% are single … the lack of support persuades them to terminate the pregnancy.”
This is a message dads don’t hear enough: our words matter – and they especially matter during times of unplanned crisis. When we look our children in the eye and assure them of our full support, regardless of the mess and pain that must be faced, we fill them with hope and give them confidence to move forward. We guarantee them that however difficult the next few steps will be, they can count on Dad to be on their side.
Practically, that means we need to be ready to speak to our children with certainty. One word Andy Lamberton encourages dads to use more often is ‘always’. I like that advice.
“You can always come talk to me.”
“I’ll always be here for you.”
“I will always love you.”
Said with sincerity, words like these can be the lifeline that gets our children through the challenge.
Did you enjoy the podcast? please share with other fathers you know and tell us what you think. Email: hello@legacyfathers.org
By Stephen Mullan Cohost of the Legacy Podcast.
Bio: Stephen directs the work of Dreamscheme Northern Ireland, a youth work charity that provides support and opportunities to young people growing up in housing estates. He also writes on the subject of youth via his newsletter Rethinking Youth. Stephen is married to Sharon and has two young children.
